Struck by the spirit of adventure today while tasting for my September column on Italian wines, I hijacked the large jug of Carlo Rossi Paisano that some fellow editor had left out on a table in our hallway here at F&W (sent our way by one truly optimistic PR person, I'd say), hauled it into the Tasting Room, and—well, I'd say I uncorked it, but the thing comes with a screw-cap. And none of this high-end Stelvin business, either; this was one of your real, old-fashioned, made-in-a-prison-somewhere jug wine screwcaps.

What can I say about Carlo Rossi Paisano? Does it sing of the verdant vineyards of the old country? No. Is it a fine wine to pair with Mario Batali's T-Bone Fiorentina? Ho ho! Is it flat, uninteresting plonk that manages to be both worrisomely sweet and weirdly sour at the same time? Er...sorry, Carlo. But! The good news is that, according to the label, Carlo Rossi Paisano is "100% grape wine."

Thank God. I was worried there for a moment.