By Noah Kaufman
Updated May 07, 2014
Credit: © iStockphoto

North Korea remains a mysterious place, but the tiny Communist country has been making some overtures to the outside world, mostly through tourism opportunities. Officials recently allowed foreigners to compete in the Mangyongdae Prize International Marathon in Pyongyang for the first time and now a company called Uniquely Travel has come out with what it claims is the most comprehensive guide to North Korea vacations in existence. We paid the 99 cents for it and scoured its listings of restaurants and bars for insider tips. If you make it over to the DPRK, here are five “recommendations” pulled directly from the new guide.

Pizza Restaurant (Yes that is what it is called.)

“The service is a little slow, but the waitresses make up for it with an excellent singing routine performed daily.”

Golden Cup Restaurant

“There are no windows in this restaurant and the layout is confusing.”

National Restaurant

“Pay attention to the unusual use of plastic flowers to decorate the ceiling. If a fire were to break out, then a shower of molten plastic would ensue.”

Lamb BBQ Restaurant

“If you can handle [your clothes smelling like roast lamb] as well as being forced to dance, then you’ll very likely enjoy this restaurant”

The bar at Namsan Square

“If you’re feeling brave you can wash [your deep-fried sparrow] down with some of the most foul-tasting beer ever brewed, which has been likened to a combination of old coffee and washing-up water.”