By Justine Sterling
Updated December 19, 2014
Credit: © The Watering Mouth

The Internet is a black hole for strange, weird and wonderful things—especially when it comes to food. Rather than dive in yourself, let FWx do it for you. Here, five of the most absurd food items we saw this week.

DIY Candy Cane Shot Glasses: The best way to disguise your drinking as a festive Christmas activity? Slug your schnapps out of some homemade candy cane shot glasses. Made with melted-down peppermint hard candies, the glasses seem pretty easy to make—and fairly stable, as long as you’re not filling them with hot chocolate. [Metro]

Coffee Mug Bong: The best-ever last-minute gift for the wake-and-baker in your life is the Pipemug, a coffee mug with a built-in bong. It’s not very discreet, but as far as drug paraphernalia goes, it’s pretty stylish. Think Crate & Barrel meets a Phish concert. [Foodiggity]

Christmas Ice Cream for Dogs: A Welsh ice cream maker has created a turkey-pea-carrot-sage-and-gravy-flavored ice cream just for dogs. The almond milk base makes it safe for furry friends. [Metro]

Dumplings for Ladies: There’s a new line of dumplings made just for women called Happy Maru. The colorful gyoza are infused with collagen and polyphenols that will supposedly help beautify you. The dumplings won the Women’s Edible Beauty Grand Prix prize at FoodEx Japan. And while that doesn’t mean they work, it does mean there were other nominees for that very specific, strange prize, and these dumplings were better than whatever the heck those were. [Rocket News 24]

2,000-Calorie Christmas Burger: The Brass Pig Barbecue Café in Merseyside, England, is serving up a gargantuan burger for people who can’t wait until Christmas to overly stuff themselves. The Feast on a Beast burger consists of a beef patty, smoked turkey, bacon-wrapped sausage, stuffing, cranberry sauce and gravy, all piled onto a brioche bun. The sandwich comes in at 2,000 calories. If that seems a little steep, just opt for the bacon-wrapped, deep-fried hot dog topped with stuffing, gravy and cranberry sauce, which comes in at just 1,600 calories. [Daily Mail]