By Mike Pomranz
Updated November 20, 2014
© Adrianna Williams/Corbis (bacon), © Craig Lovell/Corbis (alligator)

We really dropped the ball on this one, society. A true American hero started a Kickstarter to fund a candied bacon–wrapped Gator Pork Turducken, but yesterday the deadline passed with the project falling just short of funding. About $4,986 short. It raised only $14.

What is a Gator Pork Turducken? A turducken, as we all know, is a chicken stuffed in a duck stuffed in a turkey. So for this twisted invention you stuff the turducken inside a pig. And then stuff that into a gator. From there, the only thing left to stuff it into is a Ford Explorer.

To make the insane project even more mouthwatering, Marc Anthony, the Portland, Oregon–based chef who created the Kickstarter campaign, promised to wrap the whole thing in candied bacon and then smoke it. It might have been even more epic than his admitted “culinary heroes, Epic Meal Time.”

But alas, the project did not reach its $5,000 funding goal.

Part of the problem was probably that the Kickstarter page seems to have started going viral with just hours left to go. Of even greater concern though was the project’s poorly planned incentives, which gave $10 backers a photo of Anthony posing with “the beast” and $25 backers a picture of Anthony holding “a sign personally thanking you…” and that was it!

No invite to the Thanksgiving eating party. No option for an overnighted gator pork turducken chunk. Nothing.

It just goes to show that dreaming big is fine, but you also have to have some practicality. Though I guess a guy who is looking to raise money on Kickstarter to cook an alligator might not be the world’s most rationally thinking individual.