By Noah Kaufman
Updated October 19, 2015
© David Malosh

It’s good that Domino’s never tried any of that 5-5-5 nonsense in Finland or they would find themselves the object of a government investigation. Finnish police are currently running an anti-cheap pizza campaign in the country as part of a larger effort to combat the “grey economy”—people selling goods and services illegally or without paying taxes.

The thought behind the campaign is that it is simply impossible for a pizzeria proprietor to remain in business, pay taxes and sell a medium cheese for less than six euros ($6.79) all at the same time. So the police put out a call asking any Finn who spots any suspicious pizza activity to turn in the perpetrators immediately. “We need tips from citizens. You can post them on our website or contact us on social media. Unless a pizza is on temporary sale there is no way a legitimate establishment can offer pizza at less than six euros,” Minna Immonen from the Uusimaa police department said to Finnish news outlet Yle.

Finland has policies and taxes in place that would make it tough to price pizza so low, like a VAT the police peg at 11.5 percent (according to the Finnish tax bureau, the general VAT on restaurants and catering in Finland is an even less deal-friendly 14 percent).

Police should certainly do what they can to stop rogue establishments from skirting the law, but it does make us wonder: If there aren’t any available pizzas for less than seven dollars, what are Finnish citizens expected to subsist on when they're done playing beer pong? Wings alone? We’re going to go grab a 99 cent slice and ponder.