By Noah Kaufman
Updated January 16, 2015
Photo Composite: © Antonis Achilleos; © Mathew Hayward / Alamy

I feel bad for the people of Bainbridge Island, Washington, today. I really do. The city manager of the island town just across the Puget Sound from Seattle issued an executive order banning cheese in City Hall. Ahead of Sunday’s National Football Conference championship game against the Green Bay Packers, city manager Douglas Schulze sent an official decree that reads, in part,

It is, of course, just part of the silly season of professional sports that happens when we get down to the championship games, with various mayors using their cities’ favorite foods as betting props (“I’ll bet you a vat of our clam chowder against a metric ton of your apples” or something similar). But outlawing cheese and cheese-flavored products is a bridge too far, Bainbridge!

Full disclosure: I am both a Wisconsinite and a Packers fan, and I would like Mr. Schulze to know that tomorrow I’ll be boycotting an overwhelming feeling of despair brought on by 362 days of a rain a year or whatever his main export is. I'd also note that his Seahawks stand accused of watering down their beer. A crime that I'm pretty sure is punishable by death in the state of Wisconsin