By Noah Kaufman
Updated May 29, 2014
© PEI Burger Love / Fresh Media

This morning on the Today Show, Al Roker, Willie Geist and the rest of the hosts decided to put months of eating research into action as they tried out the “ideal” way to devour a burger. The research came from a group of scientists in Japan who spent almost 16 weeks perfecting a burger-eating technique that they claim stops burger leakage—that is, the tendency of our big, juicy burgers to push their way out of the buns and fall apart.

The researchers used a 3-D model of a burger to study the way the particles interacted. What they discovered was that you need to place your thumb and your pinkie under the burger and put your other three fingers on top. You can see that Savannah Guthrie and Tamron Hall don’t quite get the thumb and pinkie on the bottom technique, and Al is just over the whole experience. The man knows how he likes to eat his burgers and he doesn’t need you fancy scientists telling him what he should do.

For the record, the “claw” method they used on the Today Show does seem effective, if a bit uncomfortable. But whatever its shortcomings, it is undoubtedly better than these shameful burger-eating techniques.

Knife and fork. Save it for the steak, buddy.

In one bite. Possible with sliders, but that mess on your face is embarrassing no one but you.

Cutting it in half. Again, knives have no place in the hamburger world.

Nibbling around the edges. This is supposed to keep the burger from falling apart, but just makes you look too dainty eating it.

The bunless method. You know it’s the bun that makes it a burger, right?