The "Bagel That" device will "punch a hole in almost anything" so you can feel confident putting cream cheese on it.

By Mike Pomranz
September 17, 2019
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What is a bagel? We know the basics: round and doughy with a hole in the middle. But clearly, something separates the bagel from the doughnut. (Or does it?) A new product invented by the cream cheese experts at Philadelphia may suddenly leave you questioning everything you thought you knew about bagels.

Philadelphia

Now available on Amazon for $9.99, the Philadelphia "Bagel That" Device purports to turn anything into a cream cheese-worthy bagel. The straightforward (and very blue) kitchen tool "allows you to punch a hole in almost anything, instantly turning it into a bagel," the brand writes. "Simply put your toast, waffle, pancake, or other bread item into the center of the device. Next, press the lever down to punch a hole to instantly create a bagel. Because if it looks like a bagel, you can put Philadelphia Cream Cheese on it."

"People love spreading Philadelphia Cream Cheese on bagels, but what happens if you're craving Philly and don't have a bagel?" Megan Magnuson, associate director of marketing for Philadelphia, said in the announcement. "We created a device to transform other food items into bagels. Have toast? Bagel That. A waffle? Bagel That. Even a tortilla? Bagel That too." Personally, I like putting Philadelphia Cream Cheese on crackers, but apparently, I'm too willing to think outside the bagel!

Thankfully, Philadelphia furthers the fact that this whole thing is a big joke/publicity stunt in a YouTube video featuring a catchy jingle with the Grammy-worthy lyric of "If it looks like a bagel, then it's probably a bagel." (Song not sold separately, unfortunately.) In fact, the video even kicks the absurdity up a notch, punching holes in a pancake, an omelet, and pizza and topping them all with cream cheese.

So in the end, no, I don't think most people will be that confused about what a bagel is—or at least unsure enough to make "Is it a bagel?" the next "Is a hot dog a sandwich?" However, I am beginning to question what I'm willing to spend $9.99 on—because having a device that can give me a legitimate excuse to put cream cheese on anything I want for just ten bucks sounds like a decent deal. And if it can punch holes in things, all the better!

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