By Noah Kaufman
Updated March 20, 2014
This is the puppy all grown up
© SHENG LI/Reuters/Corbis

Every week by this point you have undoubtedly spent nearly 100 percent of your time online watching videos of cats riding vacuum cleaners and finding out which character from Blossom you really are. Meanwhile, the world has been going on without you. Here are some things you missed while you were buried in the Internet:

The $2 Million Dog

I know this is supposed to be an Internet post that is cute animal free, but the world’s most expensive puppy has just been sold. He is a year old, nearly 200-pound Tibetan mastiff and he was purchased by a Chinese developer for 12 million yuan which is a little less than two million dollars. In China, Tibetan mastiffs are known as status symbols. Here in America they are known as “dogs who just can’t,” as you can see above.

You Get a Tea and You Get a Tea

It is sad but true that Oprah decided to sell off her famous Harpo Studios to a developer, but she can drink her sorrows away…with her new teeeeeaaaaaaa. She’s teaming up with Starbucks (some might say the Oprah of coffee) to produce an Oprah chai that will be available two weeks before Mother's Day. It will be an infusion of cinnamon, cloves, ginger and cardamom. Each cup will likely be served with a Stedman scone, which will be a bit dry and only there for dipping in your Oprah tea.

The Water to Wine Hoax

For a moment it looked as though the home brewer-turned-home distiller-turned-home vintner movement had taken a giant step forward. The men behind Customvine claimed they had a Miracle Machine that would create wine on your countertop in just days. We should have known that this was too good to be true when the instructions consisted of:

1. Insert ingredients

2. Push a button on your phone

3. Drink wine

That’s the sort of process a very lazy child would describe before failing a science project. And sure enough it was fake. The Miracle Machine was a publicity stunt to promote a nonprofit called Wine to Water which helps provide drinking water to people all over the world. So at least it was for a good cause.

We Have a New Dinosaur

In North and South Dakota scientists have discovered a new dinosaur and perhaps because they have been reading too many blog headlines, they’ve taken to calling it The Chicken from Hell. At least that’s the unofficial name. The official name of the 500-pound lizard/bird/terrifying monster is Anzu wyliei. It is the largest species of a genus called oviraptor, which makes it an egg stealer. Clever girl.

Black Hole Considered a Possibility for Malaysian Airliner

The saga of the missing Malaysian airliner still remains a mystery and CNN did its part to remain relevant by entertaining any and all theories of what happened, no matter how crazy. Here is anchor Don Lemon asking former Inspector General of the Department of Transportation Mary Schiavo, a real person with many years of real experience in airline accidents, if the plane was swallowed by a black hole. Because who are we to say what can and cannot happen.