Twitter is outraged at the admission from Philadelphia sportswriter Jim Salisbury.

By Mike Pomranz
Updated August 17, 2017
mayo in coffee
Credit: ivandzyuba / Alex Fung / EyeEm / Getty Images

The internet is known for its hasty, over-the-top, groupthink-driven backlashes which can often heap unnecessary scorn on relatively innocuous statements. But sometimes, people online get it exactly right—like yesterday, when Twitter lambasted Philadelphia sportswriter Jim Salisbury for putting mayo in his coffee. Feel free to be equal parts confused and nauseous.

The bizarre admission came in equally strange fashion. It began with Twitter user Deitch posting the following question: “I'm out of milk & I'm making boxed Mac & cheese. Can I substitute cottage cheese for the milk?” In a response that, for a baseball writer, can best be described as “out of left field,” Salisbury wrote, “I once used mayo in coffee when out of half and half. not half bad.”

Really? Mayo? Butter, sure. But mayonnaise?

Needless to say, Salisbury’s comment hijacked the discussion with a long line of Twitter users taking the opportunity to express their disgust. Deitch himself replied that it "sounds insane." Meanwhile, Barry Petchesky, deputy editor for the sports site Deadspin put it most simply with a retweet stating nothing more than “What the fuck.”

Of course, at its core, what makes the idea of using mayo instead of half and half so vile is that half and half is a dairy product whereas mayonnaise is a mix of egg and oil: No dairy to be found. At least one savvy tweeter pointed this out, writing, “So not the same thing Jim.”

For his part, though Salisbury posted a couple replies in the thread, he has yet to address the controversy he’s created head on—providing no attempt to explain himself or his appalling decision-making process. Of course, it’s also possible that Salisbury was just kidding around. Veracity and Twitter don’t particularly go hand-in-hand. But then again, this kind of thing is so crazy it clearly lands in the “you can’t make this stuff up” category.

Meanwhile, if you hate the taste of coffee so much that you’d rather drink it with mayo than drink it black, maybe you should switch to a different caffeinated beverage. Or just carry some milk capsules around in your pocket.