By Mike Pomranz
Updated June 28, 2016
Mountain Dew, Hot Dog

Hot dogs, at least the cheap ones we buy at the grocery store, have a notorious reputation as “mystery meat” – an amalgamation of who knows what stuffed inside a casing and served on a bun with so much ketchup and mustard you don’t even care what it’s made out of. In theory, then, it would be beneficial to buy your own casings and make hot dogs at home: Hey, at least you’ll finally know what’s in there. The problem with that theory, however, is that you also have the option to use your power for evil instead of good, allowing you the chance to create a monstrosity even the most deranged butcher would never entertain.

Andy Smith, of the intentionally silly YouTube channel Cooking with Andy, recently proved this point extremely well. For his Independence Day episode, Andy decided to provide a very “‘Murican” twist to the patriotic barbecue staple: the hot dog. Presumably since bald eagle meat is illegal, Andy went even crazier: Mountain Dew-marinated beef, accentuated with Doritos’ crumbles, boiled in Mountain Dew and topped with that most American of cheeses…no, not American cheese: Velveeta. Then, not content to let the dogs have all the fun, Andy also whipped up buns made with ketchup and mustard baked right in.

So how do the results taste? Though Andy bills it as “my best creation yet,” the looks on the faces of his two tellingly silent taste testers – and on his own face – say otherwise. Though you gotta give the guy points for creativity, actually serving these homemade dogs on the Fourth of July is probably about as risky as playing with fireworks – lest you end up losing a few of your taste buds in a horrible Mountain Dew hot dog eating accident.