By Mike Pomranz
Updated July 20, 2016
Credit: Charles McQuillan

Here’s one way to avoid food waste: Buy food that never goes bad. “How does food not go bad?” you might ask. Because it was designed to survive the apocalypse, of course.

With a global societal breakdown sadly failing to materialize in recent history, the makers of so-called “bunker food” – long-lasting provisions that can be equally good for a weekend hike or a life underground – have been looking for ways to expand their market, according to The Wall Street Journal. One intriguing possibility you may never have considered: Appealing to busy – or even just lazy – young people and urbanites who don’t want to cook.

“The Holy Grail for long-term, shelf-stable food is to become an everyday purchase,” Greg Allison, vice president of marketing for Blue Chip Group, a company that produces freeze-dried entrees, told the WSJ. When people buy a meal with a 25-year shelf life for an emergency, but that emergency never comes, it’s hard to get repeat customers. So instead, some products are being rebranded for more regular use: being sold as “pantry packs” and getting billed as “a quick meal for unexpected guests” – and by “unexpected guests,” they don’t mean non-preppers desperately begging for your help for survival after the arrival of doomsday. They mean actual friends – like the people from your weekly prepper meetup.

Of course, there’s another possibility that could boost sales of these bunker foods. “The best thing that can happen for my business is Hillary Clinton winning the presidency,” said Phil Cox of food storage brand Legacy Food. I hate to say it, but it’s quotes like that that keep you from breaking into the mainstream, Phil.