All the proceeds of this limited opportunity go to Feeding America.
Dad jokes are notoriously cheesy, so this Father’s Day, the cheese giants over at Kraft are taking the idea of the cheesy father as literally as possible. From now until 6 p.m. Eastern Time/5 p.m. Central tomorrow—June 12—Kraft is holding an eBay auction where the top five bidders will have the chance to see their father’s bust sculpted out of cheddar just in time for his special day.
According to Kraft, one of the reasons for the quick turnaround is that each of these five custom-made cheese sculptures which will be chiseled out of a 40-pound block of Kraft Sharp Cheddar Cheese takes three days to make from start to finish. To give the size of all that cheese some perspective, the auction page shows an uncarved rectangle of cheddar that’s about the size of a standard milk crate.
So how do you make your cheesy father a reality? Bidding is currently open at www.ebay.com/CheeseYourDad (as of this writing, the high bid is just $500). The rules state, “The top 5 highest bidders will be contacted via email immediately following the close of the auction to submit photos of their dad to be sculpted and provide contact information for shipping” (which is included, free of charge). And Kraft appears pretty serious about making the results as realistic as possible. The brand asks for a few photos: “Front-facing, profile, back of head and 3/4 angle to ensure accuracy.”
Sadly, but probably for the best, Kraft says that the final sculpture is not edible. In fact, they mention this three times—including once in all caps—so they seem pretty serious. (Also, somewhere we should probably mention that these cheese heads are only available for those living in the continental 48 states.)
But here’s one important note that is not cheesy: All proceeds will be donated to Feeding America, billed as “the nation’s largest domestic hunger-relief organization,” with Kraft tossing in a dollar-for-dollar match up to $25,000—so it’s all for a good cause.
Of course, a cheesy dad might feel compelled to point out the irony in wasting 200-pounds of perfectly good cheddar to raise money feed the hungry. Just let him do it: It’s almost his day.