Hidden Valley Is Selling a Christmas Stocking Filled with 52 Ounces of Ranch Dressing
Some people love ranch dressing to the point of devotion, but until a couple of years ago, Hidden Valley—the people who literally invented ranch dressing, mind you—hadn't quite connected the dots on what these super fans really wanted… crazy merch! In 2017, the brand launched its first ranch-themed clothing line, and it must have been successful because it hasn't slowed down since. Last year, Hidden Valley unveiled new holiday-themed items like ranch snow globes and an inflatable glowing ranch bottle lawn decoration. And this past summer, for the first time, it expanded into summer gear with things like an "I Put Ranch on My Ranch" one-piece swimsuit and a ranch bottle pool float.
So with Christmas just six weeks away, the question wasn't if Hidden Valley Ranch will be back with more hokey holiday stuff but what will that stuff be?! The answer: All sorts of stuff!
Debuting today in the Ranch Shop are a dozen new "exclusive, limited-edition" Hidden Valley items (the brand mentions "12 days of 'ranch-mas'") and one special selection that is currently only available for preorder: a custom Hidden Valley Ranch stocking built to be filled with actual ranch dressing.
Yes, for $35 plus tax, you can reserve your very own 15-inch by 7-inch plastic stocking that comes pre-filled with 52-ounces of Hidden Valley Original Ranch Dressing and features a "functional pour spout at stocking toe." Forget asking Santa to fill your stocking for you; instead, leave him a plate of deep-fried apps and tell him to help himself to as much ranch as he needs. After his fourth glass of eggnog, dad… er, I mean, Santa… will definitely thank you! (Hidden Valley says these will "ship in early December" implying you won't have to go another Xmas without one.)
Meanwhile, if you're in the mood for something more practical, Hidden Valley's got that covered with the rest of the lineup. If you want to keep warm ("head to toe in ranch"), you can grab unisex polyester onesies for both adults ($75) and kids ($35). Or if you prefer to look slightly less ridiculous, simply opt for the Hidden Valley Holiday Fleece Blanket ($50). It pairs well with the $30 Hidden Valley Ranch Pillow if you're looking to really ranch up your couch.
More straightforward clothing options are available as well: Hidden Valley Ranch sweaters come in three varieties: Holiday Red, Green Snowflake, or Hanukkah Blue (all $50). Socks are also available in multiple iterations: black dress socks or red fuzzy socks ($20 per pair). Finally, a green beanie (with pom pom) will set you back $25.
And it doesn't end there. Also part of the holiday collection is a Hidden Valley Ranch Holiday Mug ($10) and Hidden Valley Ranch Holiday Cards ($25).
Sure, at some point, the delightful irony of Hidden Valley Ranch holiday items will likely run out like so many bottles of dressing. That said, ugly Christmas sweaters are a tradition that's survived for a long time. For that reason, a sweater might just be the best investment from the list above: Unlike actual ranch dressing, a ranch dressing Christmas sweater may age like fine wine. Find the entire collection at www.hiddenvalley.com/ranch-shop.