By Noah Kaufman
Updated June 24, 2014
© Tina Rupp

Uruguay may be moving on to the round of 16 at the World Cup, but not without some controversy. Striker Luis Suárez bit Italian defender Giorgio Chiellini in the 79th minute of today’s match. It’s not the first time Suárez has engaged in mouth to skin contact during a game. Last year he bit Branislav Ivanovic and in 2010 he was suspended 7 games after another biting incident. FIFA is investigating the incident, and if he faces another suspension it would effectively end his World Cup. If only he had chosen a more appropriate piece of meat to sink his teeth into.

Garlic-Rubbed Pork Shoulder

Suárez has been compared to a vampire quite frequently. Careful with the garlic.

Syrah-Braised Lamb Shoulder

He’ll probably use an Italian Syrah.

Smoky Tomato-Braised Veal Shoulder

Guaranteed to be more tender than a left back.

Slow-Roasted Lamb Shoulder with Almond-Mint Pesto

Season your lamb with salt and pepper and let it sit for a while, like Suárez.

Braised Pork Shoulder with Chimichurri

This is from the pair behind LA’s Animal. Fitting.

Pasta with Pork Shoulder and Cocoa Sugo

Hopefully the tender braised pork shoulder will spoil him for human shoulders.