This Fake Food Trend Generator Is the Perfect Five-Minute Distraction

In a world where things like mac and cheese-flavored candy canes (a food that exists, from Seattle-based novelty shop Archie McPhee) and Kool-Aid pickle sangria (an actual drink served at this year's Texas State Fair) briefly seize the internet's attention, only to be forgotten days (if not hours) later, are marrow seaweed donuts really that far-fetched? What about breakfast stout, brewed with pumpkin pancake mix? (Actually, that one's real. Thanks, IHOP!) In 2018, the lines between novelty food and culinary punchline are more blurred than ever, which is why writer Aaron Z. Best's FoodHype food trend generator is so fun to play with.

Tapping "next article" over and over will generate an endless stream of fake foods, served up in the context of clickbait headlines. (Example: "Everyone's Talking About Mushy Caviar Wine. We Have Mixed Feelings.") Some of the dishes are the stuff of meat-sweat-induced fever dreams. Take "fluffy pastrami coffee," for example.

Or "lobster ribs."

While others could almost—almost!—be legit Instagram-famous foods. Could you imagine a boba-studded cheesecake, in photogenic sunset shades?

And while we haven't come across cake pretzels in the wild, they sound like the natural evolution of Milk Bar's pretzel cake. (Obviously, they'd be salted with sprinkles.)

Most of the randomly-generated drinks seem like they'd lead to a pretty rough night.

Make that a really rough night.

Of course, while cycling through its infinite combinations, the FoodHype generator occasionally lands on something that sounds...real, and actually good. Like, bacon beet pizza is almost certainly served in a handful of wood-fired pizza spots (probably with blue cheese and a sprinkling of arugula).

Duck poutine for sure exists.

And wrapping spinach and lox in carbs seems like an excellent idea.

This, however. This is an abomination.

Just, wow.