By Mike Pomranz
Updated March 21, 2016
Credit: RunPhoto/Getty Images

Sending your friends a potato via mail is so 2015. While companies like Mail a Spud and Potato Parcel continue to fight for a piece of those big potato mailing bucks, a startup in the UK has taken sending vegetables via the post office in a new and somewhat illicit direction.

Eggplant Mail does exactly what its name implies. “We will mail an anonymous eggplant, with your personal message, anywhere in the world,” the company says on its very barebones website. The cost: Just about $10, no matter where on Earth you want to send your aubergine.

But why an eggplant? Well, Eggplant Mail doesn’t beat around that bush either. “Want to send someone a real life penis emoji?” the brand’s site asks. In case you missed that awkward segment on your local news, in modern times the eggplant, in emoji form, represents a penis. Unfortunately, Unicode Consortium doesn’t believe we’re all mature enough to handle an actual penis emoji, so here were are – pretending an eggplant is a penis. It’s a far more mature alternative.

Beyond simply appalling your friends or confusing your parents by sending them a real life version of emoji slang, Eggplant Mail users can also have a message of up to 16 words scrawled on the side of their purple vegetable. Something like “I’m running out of ways to waste money. Can you recommend a financial planner?”

Whatever you do though, don’t eat your special delivery. “We don’t recommend eating these eggplant as they have ink on them and can pick up germs during shipping,” writes Eggplant Mail. “We are not liable for any illness if you eat the eggplant.” It’s just like you learned in sex ed: If you want to avoid illness, you gotta keep your eggplant wrapped up. Especially if it’s traveling all over the globe.