By Mike Pomranz
Updated April 27, 2015
Credit: iStockphoto

Pardon us, but we have to be crass for a moment. There’s simply no way around it. The phrase “eat a bag of dicks” pulls up nearly 100,000 Google results, and a new company is hoping to take advantage of the fact that this country’s collective brain is in the gutter by allowing customers to send people they hate a bag of edible of dicks.

For $15 plus shipping, Dicks By Mail will send a bag of penis-shaped gummies to the enemy of your choice—ex-girlfriends, horrible bosses, whomever you want. The whole thing is anonymous—like this year’s earlier hit, Send Your Enemies Glitter—and the object of your anger will receive a 5 ounce bag of penis gummies and a note that says, “EAT A BAG OF DICKS.”

Though it seems negative, the site’s founders insist it is all intended in good fun. If you hunt down the About Us page, Dicks By Mail reminds everyone, “This site was created to put a smile on peoples faces. It's not meant to be a threat or a way to bully. If you are sending this with the intent to ruin someones day, then maybe its you who needs to eat a bag of dicks.” [sic]

I’d point out to the company that there are a number of missing apostrophes in that very heartfelt proclamation, but Dicks By Mail would probably just send me a bag of dicks to eat.