By Mike Pomranz
Updated August 24, 2016
Japanese Food Alarm Clock
Credit: © nanka

When you’re living the sad, lonely single life, getting up in the morning can be a chore. The alarm goes off and you don’t have your spouse – or even your mom – to help motivate you to start your day. But what if your alarm clock could be your spouse?? What if that alarm could be your mom?!

That’s the bizarre concept behind Japan’s “Jikkalarm.” According to RocketNews24, this unique alarm clock has two settings: Mom Mode and Newlywed Mode. When it goes off, it doesn’t play music; instead, it does exactly what your mom (or doting significant other) would do. No, it doesn’t scream out, “Wake up, you lazy jackass! You’re going to be late!” Instead, it starts rapidly slamming a knife against a cutting board! Right by your bed! Mom! Put that knife down! Your love is scaring me!!

In theory, starting off your day by letting a clock show off its knife skills is intended to mimic the sounds of someone cooking you breakfast. Beyond the deadly chopping happening awkwardly close to your head, the contraption also has a mister that shoots off the smell of a morning cup of miso soup. Admittedly, the whole thing doesn’t translate particularly well to American sensibilities. Oh, and by the way, the “Newlywed Mode” is supposedly the same as the “Mom Mode” only clumsier because, you know, newlyweds don’t know how to cook yet. How quaint. And a bit insulting.

If it sounds strange, wait until you see it. The clock’s designer, nanka, posted a video of what appears to be a prototype for the device on Twitter a few months back, and somehow. It is, if possible, even more ridiculous in action

Reportedly, though a refined version of the product was on display at Maker Faire Tokyo 2016, the product isn’t yet on sale. Maybe they’re looking to add a third mode – buddy who is crashing on your couch and eating all your food. Actually, that mode would probably do a lousy job of waking you up.