By Noah Kaufman
Updated July 01, 2014
Boo endives! Yay America!
© Christina Holmes

Giving up waffles, fries, chocolate or beer? We love America as much as the next patriotic sports fan who is probably skipping work to watch the US-Belgium match today, though our loyalty to beer and chocolate may trump our national pride. But if you’re like us, you need something to boycott. How else will anyone know how much you hate Belgium? Our solution: We’re saying hell no to endives—specifically Belgian endives. Or as Waffle House would call them, Belgium endives.

They’re bitter, they’re small, they’re always trying to take the place of red-blooded American salad ingredients. Who needs them? Not us. That’s why today we’re staying far away from all these endive ideas.**

Gin-and-Orange-Juice-Braised Endives

Gin-braised endives? Looks like a certain ingredient has been drinking on the job.

Charred and Smoky Belgian Endives

We say let them burn to a crisp.

Endive and Avocado Salad

Not even avocado can save you, you despicable, fiber-rich loser.

Endive-and-Grapefruit Salad with Pistachio Vinaigrette

Oh, the endive thinks it’s going to sneak in with the grapefruit and we won’t notice? Wrong. Go back to Flanders.

Fennel-and-Endive Salad with Almonds

This recipe is only one step. That’s so boring. Come on endives, try a little harder.

Baked Endives with Bacon and Mascarpone

Fact: This dish is also delicious without the endives.

Caramelized Endives with Apples

Did you know that Belgium doesn’t currently have an elected head of government? It’s true. How could the endive want to be associated with a rudderless ship like that?

**Tomorrow please resume eating endives. We enjoy their bite and they make a great addition to many salads and side dishes. Plus, the Belgians are actually pretty nice.