By Noah Kaufman
Updated August 25, 2014
© Line Klein

The biggest night in television begins tonight at 8 ET. The Emmys will honor the best that television has to offer. It’s been a big year for TV—the end of Breaking Bad, the rise of the Netflix drama, the announcement that Two and a Half Men would finally be put out of its misery.

We’re planning to celebrate all of it, and what’s a viewing party without appropriately themed snacks to go with it. And the nominees are…

1. Breaking Bad: Honey Spice Bacon

We’re arranging our bacon in the shape of a 4—the number of Emmys Bryan Cranston will have if he wins. And may the members of the Emmy academy hang their heads in shame if he doesn’t. (No offense, Kevin Spacey, Matthew McConaughey, Woody Harrelson and Jeff Daniels, but come on, it’s Walter White.)

2. True Detective: Phyllo Cigars

They might not be Camel Lights, but you can spend hours chain-eating these while crushing cans of Lone. Time is a flat circle, after all.

3. Game of Thrones: Beef Hand Pies

It was either this or grilled seagull, and we haven’t quite mastered the latter in the test kitchen yet. Maybe we’ll have it ready in time for season 5.

4. Mad Men: Old-Fashioned

We’re going into the last half of the seventh season and somehow Don Draper has still not consumed all of the whiskey in New York. We’re lobbying hard to have cocktails considered snacks, by the way.

5. Downton Abbey: Cucumber–Mint Chutney Tea Sandwiches

Make sure to divide the room so that half the people get to eat the sandwiches and half the people have to clean them up.

6. House of Cards: Dessert Ribs

Unless you started yesterday you won’t have time to make ribs like Freddy. So go the easy route and use bananas to make these dessert ribs.