Credit: © Tim Boyle / Getty Images

If you've spent any time in the kitchen during the holidays you've likely picked up the basics of roasting the perfect bird, but even the most seasoned chef can get stumped from time to time. That's why turkey titan Butterball has once again opened up the phones to answer all of your fowl questions. The "Turkey Talk-Line" started in 1981 and has fielded hundreds of thousands of queries from confused home cooks ever since. Obviously these Thanksgiving emergency operators have a lot issues to field, so in order to ensure the real turkey problems can reach them as quickly as possible, here's a list of eleven questions you shouldn't bother picking up the phone for.

1. What's a turkey?

2. How long would I need to roast this sucker at room temperature?

3. Is there any way to make stuffing the bird feel a little less vulgar?

4. Is there any way to make that thermometer popping up a little less vulgar?

5. Will the turkey scream when I put it in the oven?

6. How can I stop laughing uncontrollably every time I say “giblet"?

7. How do I sign up for open enrollment on

8. Do turkeys really play the drums with their legs?

9. Dinner's in 15 minutes, can you explain thawing real quick?

10. Is it weird if I baste while naked?

11. Got any hot tips on ham?