By Noah Kaufman
Updated August 07, 2014
Sure, they're all smiles on the outside, but who are they really?

Before-the-bar drinking is serious business. If executed properly, the tradition will keep you from running up a $100 bar tab, because you’ll already be pleasantly buzzed.

Your methods also reveal a lot about you. Your pregame drink of choice is probably a stronger indicator of your personality than any of those slightly creepy DNA tests you can mail away now.

So before you make your drinking plans for the weekend, take a moment and figure out who you really are.

Shots: You cannot remember most of your early 20s and have gone through at least nine breakups since 2010. It’s likely you haven’t done laundry in five weeks, and you prefer to buy paper plates so you never have to do the dishes.

Beer (craft): You probably won’t make it to the bar because you will get wrapped up in a serious discussion about geopolitics. You definitely have a beard. You don’t do cable and watch all of your TV on Netflix and Hulu Plus.

Beer (domestic): You’re using the craft beer guy’s Hulu Plus password.

Classic Cocktails: You spent about an hour getting dressed tonight and you look fantastic. You’ve already Instagrammed your shoes and are ready to shoot your cocktail. But it’s totally justified because your life is just so good. How can you be expected to keep that to yourself?

Energy Drink: You know the names of every club bouncer in town.

Clear, Bottled Alcohol Beverages: You claim to listen to Iggy Azalea only ironically, even though you secretly love her. Either that or the part of your tongue that tastes sweet things was damaged beyond repair years ago.

Booze-Soaked Fruit: You have a regional membership to YogaWorks just in case you’re out of town and need to do some Ashtanga. Most of the decorations in your living room are DIY projects from Pinterest. You have told everyone four times how good your cleanse made you feel.

Big Bowls of Punch: You always want to know what has two thumbs and loves to party. (Hint: It’s you.)