By Mike Pomranz
Updated December 17, 2015

YouTuber Simone Giertz is a self-described “professional maker and robotics enthusiast.” She’s also a vegetarian who has “spent a significant amount of time chopping, mincing and dicing all varieties of vegetables.” So she decided to combine these two aspects of her life into one glorious invention: A chopping machine.

If you can get past the toilet humor that gets the video off to a rocky start (fine, she’s an engineer, not a comedian), you’re in for one of the weirdest homemade devices you’ll see anywhere on the Internet: two giant blades that seem to chop away with reckless abandon. As one YouTube commenter puts it, “That isn't a machine, that's a living horror film.”

Luckily, Giertz gets through the video without losing any fingers. Unfortunately, however, her fruits and vegetables don’t end up getting particularly well minced either. I suddenly have a lot more respect for the guy in the Slap Chop infomercial.

Still, if you want to build the least practical chopping machine ever made, she’s put all the info on how she built it on her blog. Just be careful with those blades. Who said being a vegetarian isn’t exciting?