Gwyneth Paltrow's Goop Gift Guide Is As Ridiculous As It Gets

By Food & Wine
Updated November 17, 2016
Courtesy of goop
Gwyneth Paltrow and her site Goop have developed a reputation for lifestyle choices that can be…well…a bit extravagant.  From sex dust smoothies to $950 toilet paper, you better be willing to open your mind and your wallet if you want to live the Goop life. And all that extravagance gets kicked up to another level this time of year as Gwyenth and Goop roll out their annual holiday shopping guide. According to the Goop team, the list is the result of “meticulous research as well as recommendations from Gwyneth and her roldex of friends,” and it has the perfect gift for everyone on your list, provided everyone on your list is into yurts.Below is a small sampling, but you can check out the rest of the gift guides over at goop.com
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Groovyyurts Portable Yurt - $8,300

Courtesy of goop

How many times have you been in a yurt and said "can I get this to go?" If it's any more than zero, then this is the yurt you've been waiting for! Fully portable and completely affordable at only eight grand each, it's the perfect gift for anyone with disposable passive income and an aversion to corners.

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Irene Neuwirth Custom Pet Pendants - $6850

Courtesy of goop

Some people taxidermy their pets and put them on the mantle in order to remember them forever. CFDA award winner Irene Neuworth’s hand-carved pendants are a somewhat less creepy way to accomplish the same thing.

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Clearlight Infrared Sauna - $2295

Courtesy of goop

The company behind the saunas claims the infrared light and heat put out by the sauna has health benefits like boosting your immune system and improving your skin. And based on their size, they look like they could double as one bedroom apartments in New York City. But if you don't have room inside you can always put it in your portable yurt.

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Jayson Home Leather Bicycle - $2995

Courtesy of goop

This is what happens when that leather fetish starts interfering with your everyday life. Some things are just meant to stay behind closed doors and not in a public park with innocent children.

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Jay Jeffers Limoges Banana Box - $395

Courtesy of goop

We'd like to think that good ol' Jay Jeffers is more concerned about our potassium deficiency than our pride with this porcelain banana box. Can we also point out that brown spots are usually a reason to NOT purchase bananas? Why is this the exception?

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SUBLIMOTION Dinner in Ibiza - $2,000

Courtesy of goop

If you've ever wanted to dine in a James Bond villain's rec room, this is the dinner experience you've been waiting for. You and eleven of your friends will experience Chef Paco Roncero's menu while all five senses are bombarded for three hours with what we can only assume is the visual and aural equivalent of vaping.

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Theodent 300 Toothpaste - $114

Courtesy of goop

At only $114 a tube, it's the perfect companion to diamond-encrusted toothbrushes and veneers made of actual elephant ivory. No word on whether or not it can eliminate the shit-eating grins of those who can afford to use the stuff.

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