By Mike Pomranz
Updated January 08, 2020
Credit: Courtesy of The Cool Baby

It’s the thought many a boozehound has had when he sees someone wearing a Baby Björn: “I bet I could strap a small keg into that thing.” It was only a matter of time before someone did.

The Cool Baby” is essentially a plastic baby doll with a 36-ounce drink container stashed inside. A straw discretely protrudes from the baby’s head. Once you strap the thing to your chest with its accompanying baby carrier, that straw lands right around mouth level, allowing you to sip on your beverage of choice. The promotional Kickstarter video shows The Cool Baby being filled with a generic “cola,” “lemonade” or “tea”—though the benefits of concealing your non-alcoholic beverage-drinking with a baby-shaped beverage holder is never explained.

Funding is still open for The Cool Baby until the end of the month, but unfortunately, without a big financial surge, it looks like this idea will never be birthed. As of writing, the project hasn’t even reached a tenth of its $70,000 goal.

Not to say there isn’t interest. Pledges have already been made for nearly 100 fake babies. But at going prices of somewhere between $25 and $40 a pop, depending on when you become a backer, creator Simon Philion would have to sell nearly 2,000 of these tykes to get to full funding. Maybe there just aren’t as many frat guys who can pass for single dads as we thought.