By Noah Kaufman
Updated June 26, 2014
© iStockphoto

Despite losing 1-0 today to Germany, Team USA advanced to the second round of the World Cup. They will play either Belgium or Algeria on Tuesday, July 1 at 4 p.m. ET, in an effort to continue this unexpected run. For today’s game, US coach Jurgen Klinsmann sent out a public excuse letter that fans could use to get out of work so they could watch. It worked in New York, as Governor Andrew Cuomo gave all state workers an extra break in the middle of the day to cheer on the home team.

But who knows what will happen for the next game, which once again is right in the middle of a workday. You may have to take initiative. These excuses are ironclad ways to get yourself out of the office, so you can watch with a beer in your hand.

1. “My phone broke and I don’t know how to get anywhere without GPS.”

This one is really for the under-30 set to use on the over-30 set.

2. “I just realized I’m much more efficient working from home.”

If the boss tries to argue, explain that you’re wasting precious time that could be spent using Excel.

3. “I’ve been taken.”

Your boss will be so touched about being your one phone call after being kidnapped that you may get the whole week off.

4. “My cat has food poisoning.”

Sick animals pull at everyone’s heartstrings. Feel free to show this video as evidence, and explain that your cat is lactose intolerant.

5. “I’m stuck on the subway.”

As soon as the boss asks how your phone could work underground, make static noises with your mouth and hang up.

6. “There was a flood at my house and it destroyed all of my clothes.”

Unless someone wants naked you dirtying up the office, you should stay home.

7. “You wouldn’t believe this line at Starbucks.”

Make sure you offer to pick up coffee for the entire office and play something by Ed Sheeran in the background. It will add credibility.

8. “I have to go to the doctor, but I’ll be at the emergency room all day because you don’t provide health insurance.”

Bosses love guilt trips.

9. “My child has been acting out in school and I have to go talk to the principal”

If your boss knows you don’t have a kid, just say you’ve taken an adorable but unruly neighborhood one under your care.

10. “Cuando me desperté esta mañana se me olvidó cómo hablar Inglés.”

Practice saying it a few times so you can really sell it.

11. “I’m watching the World Cup…because I love America. Do you love America?”

Warning: This may not be successful if you work for a foreign company.