The ladies of Litchfield are coming back Friday, June 9.
Orange Is the New Black, which takes place in a women's prison, is not the Netflix show you should watch if you're looking for drool-inducing food porn. Even so, the inmates at Litchfield Correctional Facility have had their fair share of incredible culinary scenes. In honor of the season five premiere on June 9, we've gathered the absolute best food moments from the past four seasons.
When Piper has her last meal:
Season 1 Episode 1 “I Wasn’t Ready”
When Larry is bringing Piper to Litchfield Correctional Facility to surrender herself, he asks if she’s hungry while they’re sitting in the waiting room. “Not really,” she resonds, and he replies: “Eat anyway. It’s burrata,” and hands her a sandwich. Sounds like a worthy final meal before prison.
When Piper is turned on by groceries:
Season 1 Episode 3 “Lesbian Request Denied”
On a phone call with Larry, Piper hears him unloading paper bags of groceries. She asks him if he went to Whole Foods and to describe in detail his entire haul. He begins to list items (crispy snap peas, cherry juice for smoothies, purple kale, Uncle Eddie’s vegan cookies) and as he continues, Piper seems to get more and more turned on. He describes the bulk roasted almonds with the sugar coating, which Piper confirms are “crack almonds.” Then, Larry describes the last-of-the-season heirloom tomatoes he bought as “super plump and ripe and gorged,” which he purchased with “wet, juicy buffalo mozzarella and sweet, sweet ass organic blueberries.” Not content to speak metaphorically, Larry plunges straight into phone sex, which Piper immediately shuts down. She cares way more about the food fantasy.
When Taystee falls for the Funfetti:
Season 2 Episode 3 “Hugs Can Be Deceiving”
Vee, Taystee’s estranged mother figure, trades Gloria a pack of very old cigarettes for a sheet of Funfetti cake with chocolate frosting. Vee cuts the cake with a spatula and uses a big hunk of cake as a peace offering to Taystee. Once Taystee accepts, Vee uses the cake to win over the rest of Taystee’s crew.
When Poussey turns to the hooch:
Season 2 Episode 10 “Little Mustachioed Shit”
Poussey is super upset about Vee’s rise to power and turns to her secret stash of hooch that she stealthily keeps in an olive jar in the library ceiling. She gets pretty wasted and gets herself into a bit of a mess.
When Chang makes Frito cakes:
Season 3 Episode 6 “Ching Chong Chang”
This episode is the first time we really learn about Chang and we definitely learn about her tactful, yet strange, eating habits. She ingeniously creates small Frito cakes using the following method: She requests two cartons of milk, only to spill the liquid into the garbage and fill the cartons with peas. Chang then returns to her bunk, pours water in a bag of Fritos, punctures holes in the bag and then crushes them under a towel. Finally, she mixes the crushed, wet Fritos with the peas, makes small cakes with her hands and microwaves the cakes until crispy. Very peculiar and rather disgusting, if you ask us, but the cleverness is undeniable.
When Cindy goes Kosher:
Season 3 Episodes 7-9
When Lolly arrives from Chicago, she requests a Kosher meal for “religious purposes” and the prison has to oblige. Once everyone sees how delicious these microwavable meals are (the broccoli even crunches), they all want one. When a rabbi comes to evaluate who is actually Jewish, Cindy studies up on Jewish culture (well, Woody Allen) to prove she’s the real deal. In the process for fighting for her meals, she realizes she actually wants to convert.
When Piper monopolizes the ramen packets:
Season 3 Episode 8 “Fear, and Other Smells”
Once Caputo changes the food and it’s all brown mush, the Litchfield women start using flavor packets from the commissary ramen to improve the taste of their meals. As a result, Piper buys all the ramen packets the commissary has in stock in order to pay her “panty ladies” to wear her panties. “No one can stomach the food, right? I’ve decided to invest in flavor futures. And I’ve cornered the market,” she says.
When Red throws a corn dinner party:
Season 3 Episode 12 “Don’t Make Me Come Back There”
When Cindy and her crew steal and eat the corn from the garden, Red is furious. That’s until someone leaves a whole crate of corn ears in her kitchen so Red can serve her corn-themed coursed dinner as planned. For the first course, she makes some type of corn soup the ladies thoroughly enjoy. Then, she presents a corn and leek quiche with a fried sage garnish. And of course, Poussey is pouring out some hooch.
When Judy King teaches cooking class:
Season 4 Episode 4 “Doctor Psycho”
Now that Judy King, a Martha Stewart-esque celebrity, is a Litchfield prisoner, she is holding a class for the other inmates called “Food for Thought” that Healy jokes is so exclusive an opportunity even Yale University students couldn’t take the class. Judy says, “any good chef will tell you cooking is a team sport,” and she calls Poussey up to be her sous chef. She makes Filipino-style corn bread, a recipe that she claims she learned from a coconut farmer in Manila. Her main tip for the recipe? “Locate a shit ton of butter.”
When Judy King makes freshly whipped butter:
Season 4 Episode 6 “Piece of Sh*t”
After another session of “Food for Thought,” Judy calls Luschek over to chat. She hands him a saltine with freshly whipped butter and Maldon salt, which she gets in her care packages. “This is my heroin,” she says. This is one of the only foods featured in all four seasons that we wouldn’t mind eating. Apparently, it’s “better than a good shit in the morning.”
When Spam is not Shake Shack:
Season 4 Episode 9 “Turn Table Turn”
Suddenly, it becomes Piper and Alex’s mission to secure a Shake Shack cheeseburger, but when faced with the opportunity to bribe a guard with sexual favors, neither of them can go through with it. Instead, they make their own sandwich. “It might not be Shake Shack, but it’s one hundred percent guilt-free,” Alex says. “Here’s to the off-brand Spam sandwich of righteousness,” declares Piper. Then they taste their canned meat and spray cheese on white bread and Piper says, “Fuck righteousness.”