10 Ways to Survive Dinner with Your Partner's Awful Friends
Loving someone means loving the ones they're with, even when that leads to spending hours with people you'd normally never associate with. Here, a few quick tips for getting through a meal with your SO's besties.
1. Get a minor concussion. Unless one of his friends is also a jerk neurosurgeon, you should be able to spend the evening blissfully going in and out of consciousness.
2. Replace yourself with a cardboard cutout. Attach a recorder to the back that can play several basic phrases on repeat. I think they did this in one of the Home Alone movies. It totally worked.
3. Fire a gun in the air in the midst of conversation. That should shut them up.
4. Tell them early on that you are studying for a PhD in Anthropology and that talking to them would spoil your field report, as you're strictly there as an observer.
5. Spend the whole dinner talking about jai alai, a unique niche sport primed for a comeback. This will limit their engagement with you unless one or more of them is also into jai alai. If so, that's still cool. Just have an awesome conversation about jai alai.
6. Go to the restaurant where the waiters are all screaming clowns.
7. Approach each of them separately ahead of time, explaining that while you like him, the other guys can be jerks, so maybe he could do you a huge solid and keep the rest of them all in conversations that don't involve you.
8. Eat a lot of fiber before the dinner and then spend most of the dinner in the bathroom, a valid excuse that also lets you work on that Doodle Jump score.
9. Play a drinking game. Every time they annoy you, take a drink. Either way you end up happy.
10. Break up with him and take up jai alai. Surefire way to make sure you never have to deal with them again. Except if they're also really into jai alai.