The Best Things About Halloween’s Worst Candies
You'd be a sugar-loving fool to not acknowledge the established hierarchy of Halloween candy. Jumbo-sized candy bars obviously rank supreme, but sometimes trick-or-treaters get the short end of the Dum Dum stick with gag-inducing "sweets" that deserve an early retirement. Have no fear, Tootsie Roll and Dubble Bubble recipients! There are reasons why some of your worst Halloween candy can actually be the best. Click through to find the silver lining.
Why It’s Terrible: There's just so damn much of it during this time of year.
Redeeming Quality: There's just so damn much of it during this time of year.
Why it’s Terrible: If the idea of eating mildly-flavored sidewalk chalk sounds appealing, you’re in for a real treat.
Redeeming Quality: A way to bond with grandma?
Why It’s Terrible: It’s a tiny sucker. On a stick. And it is guaranteed to scrape open the roof of your mouth.
Redeeming Quality: There really is a flavor for everyone, even if that flavor's your own blood.
Why It’s Terrible: “Oh, I just love chewing Dubble — have I just lost all sense of taste?” Missy Elliott said it best with “I don’t want no one minute man.”
Redeeming Quality: It's Crossfit for your jaw and Dubble Bubble is super fun to say.
Why It’s Terrible: It’s probably the most basic bitch of the Halloween candy bunch.
Redeeming Quality: If you’re negotiating with someone a little less intelligent, a handful of Tootsie Rolls can usually be traded up for a Reese’s.
Mary Jane Halloween Taffy
Why It’s Terrible: A taste so off-putting, they don’t even deserve a labeled wrapper.
Redeeming Quality: You can kind of make out hints of peanut butter. Peanut butter saves everything.
Good & Plenty
Why It’s Terrible: Black licorice has no place in a child’s trick-or-treat bag.
Redeeming Quality: It's a good palate cleanser as you move from chocolate to Sour Patch Kids.
Why It’s Terrible: "Nature's candy" doesn't have the same appeal as "Snickers bar."
Redeeming Quality: It's the only serving of fruit you're going to eat until mid-November.