5 Fast Food Ideas Worse Than the Hipster Hamburglar
As social media predicted and as Bloomberg now reports, McDonald's hip new Hamburglar makeover has done nothing to endear a hungry public to the Big Mac. The beef-thieving mascot is yet another casualty of corporate America overthinking how to reach the hard-to-define Millennial generation.
So as a public service to others in the fast food industry, let's nip some potentially ill-fated trending topic ad campaigns in the bud before another creepy dude in a mask happens again.
The Subway Selfie Stick
We see the natural correlation here: putting your phone on a telescoping pole will allow the Instagram generation to fit all 11 inches of their $5 Footlong into the frame. But while young people love to document their meals, nobody is going to X-pro their Cold Cut Combo.
LumberJack in the Box
With his tall physique, smarmy sense of humor and alleged penchant for illicit substances, Jack from the Jack in the Box ads is already a guy we'd like to be friends with. He doesn't need much improvement. Lumbersexuals, meanwhile, are only reaching peak desirability owing to the confluence of CrossFit and competitive facial hair. Take an ax to this concept immediately.
Double Decker Vinyl Taco
Much to the confusion of our parents, LPs have made a comeback with elite audiophiles. And while we may enjoy wrapping our ears in the reverberations of vinyl in our Bose headphones, wrapping a crunchy taco supreme with Iron & Wine's latest album isn't going to be appetizing. Sure, records have a warmer, deeper sound than digital music, but those qualities just don't translate to flavor.
Warby Parker Kids Meal
Yes, it's still four chicken nuggets and some apple slices, but thanks to a slick pair of hand-carved, teak wayfarer frames, the cost has shot up from $2.49 to $249. And little Benny will certainly break them before leaving the play place. Yes, we may want our kids to be cooler than us, but please just stick with cheap plastic promotional toys.
Fixed Gear French Fries
This one looks good on paper, but, honestly, it doesn't even make sense.