The 12 People We Love to Hate at Whole Foods

This person spends valuable minutes in the check-out line panning through their over-sized purses trying to find their Whole Foods coupons. Not only do they try to use five coupons in one visit, they also have the skill to convince the cashier to take the expired ones. Let’s be real though, how could any cashier say no to that smooth-talking grandma?

It’s a Sunday. Dad is off from work, so he is sent by his wife to the grocery store. As he wanders aimlessly through the aisles, he stops every five minutes asking you or another shopper where he can find the artisan mozzarella cheese. Then he caves and calls his wife for much needed direction.

This person can be found scanning the nutrition label of every single item they pick up. They are focused, but also don’t see you trying to reach the shelf they are blocking. The real question: Do they even know what high fructose corn syrup is?

If you get stuck behind one of these people, you are better off going to the regular register. There’s only so many times you can hear the machine voice say, “Please remove item from the belt.”

We watch this person from a far as they walk up to the sample table, take five, and say that they are bringing some to their friends. Then we watch them eat all of the samples by themselves in the next aisle over. They make a lap around the store and do it all again. Honestly, we dislike this person because we wish we had their guts.

These people are on a mission. They have their grocery list in hand and know how to be efficient. They know what they want and exactly where to get it. These are the Whole Foods groupies, and know the store like the back of their hand. We mostly dislike them because they seem to have it all figured out and we are secretly jealous of their skills.

They hold hands together down the aisles. The husband helps his wife reach for the brussel sprouts on the top shelf. They whisper secrets in each other’s ears in the dairy section. Cute, but not what I want to see as I’m getting ready for my date with Ben and Jerry.

We all get hungry while grocery shopping, but these people will walk around the entire store munching on the things they have put in their cart. Ummm are you going to pay for that? Spoon tip: To not be this person, head to Whole Foods after having a big meal.

No, they are not calling lotto numbers at the deli counter. Those are the numbers of the people who have taken a ticket and are waiting to place their order. Please follow accordingly.

These people have no control over their grocery carts, plowing through the aisles with oversized “go green” shopping bags, and knocking down every major display there is. The worst part: not picking any of it up afterwards. Not only do they hit into the displays, but they also hit into you. The grocery carts are not bumper cars, please go around me.

The Whole Foods salad bar spread is ahhmazinggg. But just because the food is out in the open, unpackaged, does not mean it is free for the picking. I’ll have the salad, but hold the extra germs please.

*Asks employee where the papaya is located. Employee responds they do not have papaya.

*Turns corner to find the stack of papaya.

We love them. We hate them. We love to hate them. But it would not be a food shopping experience without them.