The first of two weekends of the Coachella Valley Music and Arts Festival starts today in the desert of southern California. You might be feeling sad because you aren’t there to enjoy Outkast and the 100+ other bands on the bill. But cheer up kids. There are some good things about not being at Coachella.
20. It is 109 degrees there.
19. It's not 109 degrees where you are.
18. No one is judging you for the lack of a crop top.
17. There is no dubstep tent.
16. There are no tents period.
15. You are not surrounded by this:
14. Hallucinogens remain mostly socially unacceptable.
13. You can listen to just the Outkast songs you want on repeat. Heeeeeeyyyy Yaaaaaa!
12. Hey remember how you’re not outside in temperatures hot enough to kill a camel?
11. Food comes on plates instead of trapezoid paper containers.
10. You aren’t trapped on a polo field with people who want to go to Burning Man but probably aren’t hard-core enough.
9. You don’t have to wait in line for an hour to leave Coachella.
8. Or to pee.
6. Water costs less than $1 an ounce. Some people will even give it to you for free.
5. Nobody near you uses phrases like, “but I really preferred their early stuff.”
4. Your worth is not determined by what color wristband you are wearing.
3. Your chances of being tazed by an overzealous police officer are considerably lower.
2. Everyone you would like to see wearing a shirt is wearing a shirt.
1. Putting Purell on your entire wardrobe is kind of a pain.