2016 Tom Pennington/Getty Images
Mike Pomranz
June 22, 2017

The Texas Rangers are headed to the MLB postseason for the second straight year. What better way to celebrate than by adding some absolutely ridiculous new food items to stadium concession stands? During October, every plate appearance could be your last – whether you’re a player going up to bat or a fan carrying a literal plate back to your seat.

According to an eye-popping official tweet, the four new food items appearing for the playoffs at Globe Life Park are The TamArlington Dog, The Atomic Burger, The N.E.Q. Sandwich and The Popcornopolis Pita. If you feel like those names create more questions than answers, you’re not alone. And honestly, you may want to avoid seeking out these four answers if you have any respect for your arteries.


Possibly the most insane of the four – in both name and concept – is the Popcornopolis Pita which, as described by Sports Illustrated, “serves up smoked brisket and macaroni and cheese on pita bread, which is then topped with caramel popcorn.” Finally, a food that wholly proves that simply putting something on a pita doesn’t mean it’s included in the Mediterranean Diet.

Comparatively speaking, the rest of the new menu does sound downright logical. The $27 Atomic Burger, beyond having a one-pound beef patty and plenty of bacon, gets its name from a ghost pepper sauce which Casey Rapp, general manager for the ballpark’s concession company, says makes this item “definitely one of the hottest things we have in the ballpark.” The TamArlington Dog adds a bit of a south of the border flare to a stadium classic, shoving a hot dog inside of a tamale and covering the whole thing in chili and cheese. And lastly, The N.E.Q. Sandwich is described by GuideLive as “a Philly cheesesteak gets the Texas treatment: fried jalapeno slices, onion rings, waffle fries and mozzarella sticks on top. It comes with Captain Morgan dipping sauce.” “The sandwich is bursting at the seams, for sure,” Rapp was quoted as saying – though it also doesn’t really appear to be a “sandwich” either, so that may be part of the issue.

Overall, if you care about the health of Rangers fans, now might be a good time to start rooting for whoever wins the Orioles-Blue Jays game tomorrow.

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