It’s been one year since Tina Fey’s masterpiece, 30 Rock, went to that big TV (or laptop or tablet) in the sky. But its beloved cast and all of their quirks live on in our Netflix queues, our Jackie Jormp-Jomp references, and yes, in our kitchens.
That’s right. In addition to all the laughs, Fey and her alter-ego, Liz Lemon gave us one indispensable culinary contribution: Cheesy Blasters. Lemon’s favorite snack, a bastardized union of pizza and hotdog, was a running gag clearly meant to satirize the gluttony of modern snacking. And it might make us rethink what we put in our bodies if it weren’t for one thing: Cheesy Blasters are delicious.
No, they’re not available in stores and it is probably not available at any restaurant that is not physically connected to a bowling alley. But they’re so easy to make a comatose Don Geiss could do it. With Fey’s upcoming stint on the big screen in Muppets Most Wanted, now is as good a time as any to try. All you have to do is follow the instructional jingle:
1 hot dog, 1 ounce Jack cheese (shredded), 1 slice New York-style pizza, one knife. toothpicks (optional)
1. Take a Hot Dog...
You might have the urge to gourmet-ify this meal. Fight it. Would it be heavenly to stuff a chicken sausage with truffle cheese and wrap it in a flatbread white pizza? Of course it would.
But that’s not the point of the exercise. The point is to create a junk food that is junkier than the sum of its parts. So get a normal hotdog. The cheaper, the better. Extra points if you get it at a street vendor.
2. Stuff it with some Jack cheese….
Here’s where technique comes in. Before cooking, slice the hotdog lengthwise about halfway through. As it cooks, the slice will open and blossom into your Jack cheese depository.
2a. You have the option to fry, grill, or microwave your hotdog.
Fire up the grill. Grill the hotdog for one minute, or until golden brown
Microwave the hotdog for one minute, or until golden brown
If pan frying:
Add a splash of oil to the pan, turn to medium-high heat, and add the hotdog, cooking for one minute, or until golden brown.
2b. Using tongs, transfer the hotdog to a plate or paper towel. Your slit should have opened into a crevasse by now, but if it hasn’t, use the knife to pry it open about a centimeter.
2c. Sprinkle jack cheese evenly across the crevasse.
(Add as much as you want. 1 ounce is just a suggestion for the cowardly)
2d. Return the hotdog to your heating implement of choice for one minute, or until cheese is melted.
3. Fold it in a pizza…
New York-style cheese pizza is the optimal choice as this step requires maximum size and flexibility from your pizza. If you really feel the need to up the ante toppings-wise, go with something flat like pepperoni or jalapeno.
3a. Eat the crust. It gets in the way of the folding.
If you’re not a crust person and you’re alone (the most Liz Lemon way to eat a Cheesy Blaster), just toss it. But if you’re with someone else and don’t want the crust, remember to offer it to them before you discard it. Don’t be that guy.
3b. Place the hotdog and cheese on top of the long
end of the pizza, cheese-side up so as not to lose any of the melted deliciousness. Aiming for more of a wrap than just one “fold”, pinch the hotdog to the pizza, and roll the pizza over itself toward the pointed end, until the hotdog is fully wrapped in the slice of pizza. Either eat immediately or hold it in place with toothpicks if you’re making a few for company (or a few for yourself).
4. You’ve got cheesy blasters!
Don’t forget to thank Meat Cat before he flies away on his skateboard. Or else.