Most people would probably say that, when it comes to coffee, all that really matters is the taste of the beverage that ends up in the cup. But those dummies have probably never even seen an $18,000 gold-plated bespoke Royal Coffee Maker.
Throw your Mr. Coffee in the trash (or better yet, maybe put him on the opposite counter and make him watch) because you can now have your coffee made by royalty or at least by a company named after it. Parisian brand Royal only whips up eight of these made-to-order $10,000 to $18,000 coffee makers each month. Yes, if you want to slum it, you can score a version on the cheaper end of the spectrum by opting for copper-plating over gold; though don’t be surprised if your servants are too disgusted to even touch it.
But what really makes these high-end coffee machines so expensive is that personal touch. The company calls these “the world’s first-ever bespoke coffee maker” – a statement that, if I understand the definition of “bespoke” properly, I find hard to be true. (Really? No one’s ever made a coffee maker to order before?) Still, it’s a hell of claim. “Evolved through countless sketches and hours of model clay forming, each Royal has been meticulously conceived by French artists, sculptors, metallurgists and engineers,” the brand says on its website. Later, Royal hammers home that “more than 5 hours are spent on the spigot’s unique ‘chasing dolphins’ closing system alone.”
All jealousy aside, however, the machine does look pretty badass when put into action, as can be seen Royal’s promotional video. “As boiling water moves through the handcrafted pipet, it has already cooled the critical few degrees required before reaching the grounds,” the brand states. “The result: coffee and water meet at the perfect temperature to extract the delicate oils and flavours, but not so hot as to impart a ‘scorched’ taste.”
I feel like this coffee maker might be more educated than me. At the very least, if our plane was going down and there was only on parachute, I’d definitely give it to the Royal. He’s got great things ahead of him.