There’s a saying that anyone who claims not to like beer just hasn’t had the right beer. This year’s Great American Beer Festival showcased nearly 5,700 brews representing nearly 100 distinct styles. Even the pickiest drinker would have had a hard time not leaving happy. From crisp, refreshing pilsners to rich oatmeal stouts, every style of beer has its own unique character and story to tell. Here’s what your favorite kind of beer says about you.
Pale Ale: You are responsible but fun; mature but certainly not boring. You may have married your high school sweetheart and coach little league, but can still throw down a mean kegstand when college buddies are in town. You’re outgoing, charming, and non-threatening, making you the perfect wingman for your louder, attention-seeking mates.
Light Lager: You are a creature of habit, practical to a fault. You despise your yoga-loving neighbors, their J Crew-clad children, and their designer Labradoodle, Lucky. Your idea of farm-to-table involves Thursday Night Football, a TV tray, and a pot of chili made from an elk you shot and transported home in your Dodge Ram.
Stout: You are independent and reserved, eschewing the frivolities of pop culture in favor of a Hemingway read by candlelight in the basement of your wooded cottage. Every year, you look forward to participating in your town’s annual Civil War reenactment festival and frightening school children on class field trips. Nobody comes to your house to trick-or-treat on Halloween.
Saison: You are sophisticated and cultured. You are fluent in at least two Romance languages, and you roll your eyes when someone blows their nose in a cloth napkin. You love Victorian literature, Elizabethan theater, and Edwardian architecture. Your standard poodle won Best in Show at last year’s Westminster dog show.
Barleywine: You are mysterious and reclusive. You are a software developer for an online gaming company, but moonlight as the bassist in a death metal band called Fleshwound. You sport an unkempt ponytail and some sweet facial hair. You don’t have a Social Security Number.
IPA: You are extroverted and adventurous, always seeking excitement and novelty. You win at everything from chess to Settlers of Catan to debates about Tibetan sovereignty. You can be emotionally volatile, sweet and bright in one moment and abrasive and bitter the next. Pale Ale Guy is your wingman.
Sour Beer: You are thoughtful and sensitive, someone who still uses a typewriter and composes melancholy songs for the ukulele. Your best friend is your fifteen-year-old Cockatoo, Gretchen, who knows the lyrics to every song in Les Miserables. You are allergic to anything that has a shell.