By Mike Pomranz
June 22, 2017
© / Alamy Stock Photo

Apparently, comets are like the solar system’s rolling bar carts—at least, I’m pretty sure that’s what science has discovered.

On Friday, a study was published in the journal Science Advances saying that, for the first time, ethyl alcohol was discovered on a comet. The research also uncovered a simple sugar called glycolaldehyde that had never been seen on a comet before. Not discovered: Any sort of alien mixologist to masterfully combine these two ingredients and charge a ridiculous 14 space dollars for it.

But the implications of these findings go far beyond the fact that maybe the Roswell crash happened because Martians were flying under the influence. “The presence of a major complex organic molecule in comet material is an essential step toward better understanding the conditions that prevailed at the moment when life emerged on our planet,” Dominique Bockelée-Morvan, an astrophysicist at the French National Center for Scientific Research and the study’s co-author, told the AFP. Turns out, alcohol and the moment life is created go hand-in-hand—beyond just human reproduction.

The discovery was made through telescope observations of Comet Lovejoy, described in the study as “one of the most active comets in Earth's orbital neighborhood.” I’m assuming they mean “most active” in the same way Ibiza is the most active of the Balearic Islands.

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