Turns out it's not that hard to get free Starbucks every day. All you need to do is be pretty much the worst person ever. According to an entry in Kitchenette's horrible customer series by barista Brad Halsey, a man came into his Starbucks every day and asked for the most specific, challenging-to-make drinks and, when it came time to pay, presented a Starbucks card that said it was his birthday.
That's right: This guy had 365 Starbucks cards each registered for a different birthday, just so that he could get a free birthday drink every day. And, even though what he was doing couldn't have been more obvious to Halsey, the customer pretended the multitude of so-called birthdays was owed to a lucky malfunction in his Starbucks app rather than his using 365 different cards.
And this customer wasn't just cheap; he was demanding and difficult, too. After asking for a Venti cup and a marker, the customer goes to town, marking exactly how much of everything he wants. Here's Halsey's transcript of the order:
"Two pumps of white mocha here, then add five pumps of vanilla. That should take us to this line here where you’re gonna add cold heavy cream up to this ridge here...it should be halfway between this line and this line. Make sure to add the heavy whipping cream before the espresso, it changes the taste if you do it out of order. Then add your four shots, three regular and one long shot. That long shot is important, since you guys reformulated your machines, it’s been Hell trying to get my drink right. That long shot helps balance it. Then stir it for me, Mister Brad. Now do me a favor and add ice to the top there and it’ll be easy as pie. I’m not picky so don’t worry about shaking it or anything like that…Now they ring it up for me like this: one quad espresso, add white mocha, sub vanilla, sub heavy cream."
If nothing else, you've got to admire the guy's commitment.