Hey! Did you know that in just a single day no one will ever speak of genital grabbing or private email servers ever again? Just kidding, we heard CNN already sold 50 million dollars in advertising to their new 8 o’clock show, which is just a camera fixed on a Twitter feed posting memes about those two things. But, thankfully, the election will be over very soon (probably).
There will still be a bit of a wait until the race is finally called, though. We’ll probably all have to hang on until at least midnight ET before we know what actually happened. That leaves a lot of time to try to soothe yourself with the help of a full bottle of good old American bourbon or a 99-pack of beer.
To keep you from just nervously downing shots while you wait for the results from Nevada to come in, we’ve got your election night drinking game all set up. Hopefully you can have some fun while we all wait for the country to just sink into the ocean.
What You Need:
1. Plenty of beer—something light and bright—maybe a good session IPA.
2. Some sort of patriotic, large format drink. We’re big fans of Ben Franklin’s milk punch recipe (PRO TIP: We filtered ours through a Chemex coffee filter, which worked great, but if you have a pillow case you don’t care about, that’ll work too).
3. Lots of friends to hold your hand all night.
What You Do:
- Every time an "expert" can't figure out how to use their fancy giant iPad, take a drink.
- Every time the polls close in another state or time zone, take a drink.
- Whenever an anchor says they are ready to make a call, pause the television and have everyone guess the state. Whoever gets it wrong has to finish their drink.
- Every time someone demands you change the channel to see if a different network has made a call, everyone must chug their beer until the channel surfing ends.
- Every time you get a news alert on your phone that beats the TV news to calling a state, take a shot.
- Whenever there's a split screen, take a drink for each talking head.
- Whenever campaign surrogates start talking over each other, quietly sip your cocktail, like a respectful human being, until they stop.
- The first time someone on television mentions the senate, go around the room naming senators. The first person who can’t, drinks.
- If you see the county where you grew up when John King zooms in on your state, take a drink.
- Whenever someone on television says the word “unprecedented” take a drink. (You should probably stick to little sips.)
- When someone on TV says "up for grabs" the last person to grab their drink and raise it up has to finish it.
- Whenever an anchor or pundit uses the word “yuge” everyone has to fake laugh at the joke. Whoever stops first has to finish their drink, bigly.
- If anyone on television mentions the Cubs when talking about the races in Illinois, sing a rousing version of Go Cubs Go.
- If a red state from 2012 flips to blue or vice versa (or whatever color they make Evan McMullin), play a game of Flip Cup at the next commercial break.
- If either of those weird states (we’re talking about you Maine and Nebraska) actually split their electoral votes, drink from your beer and cocktail at the same time.
- Every time they show a shot of an empty stage at Trump or Clinton headquarters, drink until your glass is empty.
- If an anchor starts crying, for any reason, chug until they find a tissue.
- If there is not a concession speech drink whatever you left in the house. You aren’t going to work tomorrow anyway.