By Mike Pomranz
Updated September 08, 2016
Credit: © Kraft Heinz

Imagine dropping a single pill into a glass of water and, before your amazed eyes, having it instantly turn into a distinctly three-layered beverage – similar to something between a parfait and a cappuccino. It sounds a bit crazy, like something out of a future only imagined in The Jetsons… but Kraft Heinz has filed a patent for it.

According to Food Navigator USA, the massive food brand best known for mac n’ cheese and ketchup has an international patent filed for a “tablet” that, when added to either cold or hot water, could form two or more layers – specifically a creamer or whitening component (think foam), a flavored middle layer, and a biscuit component (think like a cookie crumble or something in that vein). “This tablet offers an instant product formulation in a convenient format for the preparation of three layered beverages requiring no skill and no cooking appliances and eliminates the use of multiple sachets in order to make up multiple different components,” the filing reportedly states. Later it continues, “On addition of water in one single, simple step, a beverage with three distinct layers is formed.” That last line is also my favorite bible verse.

Kraft Heinz described the “biscuit component” as “spoon-able,” like a cookie, wafer or cracker “in the form of compressed crumbs or fragments” ending up with “a consistency similar to cake, such as cake in a trifle.” Meanwhile, the middle flavor layer is described as having the potential to be all sorts of flavors including coffee, chocolate, vanilla, cinnamon or strawberry. In total, the food giant described the final product thusly: “It is noted that the layers are distinct in at least their appearance, preferably their appearance and/or flavor, but desirably also in their texture properties,” according to Food Navigator.

What the site doesn’t mention is to what extent this mystery pill is actually in development. The patent – titled “Layered Beverage” – was reportedly originally filed by Kraft Foods R&D back in June of 2015, so ostensibly this Willy Wonka-like pill may be getting tested on unsuspecting kids in some secret Oompa Loompa-infested research lab as we speak. On the other hand, it could simply be a pipe dream thought up by a Kraft intern after a few awesome pulls from a vape pen and Heinz figured they might as well file a patent.

The other mystery is exactly what kind of “beverage” is this? It sounds like a parfait, but you wouldn’t really ever call a parfait a “beverage.” Maybe the technology for the pill exists, but Heinz is just waiting for the beverage to actually get invented. Quick, somebody patent a spoonable cake crumb latte!