Thickest Human Snot Curd

Trolls, Ogres, and other human-hunters used to stock up on snot during flu season in order to enjoy this glutinous curd all year round. Human snot was a popular treat so this would also be appreciated as a gift by friends or neighbors who didn't own a snot extractor, or who lived in warmer climates where a lack of winter ills meant it was harder to procure. As snot became less readily available, Troll housewives developed this tasty alternative. 

From The Monster's Cookbook: Everyday Recipes for the Living, Dead and Undead by Hoxton Street Monster Supplies

  • Servings: 3 jars

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Ingredients

  • 1 1/2 pounds cooking apples, quartered, cored, peeled and diced
  • 1/2 cup ginger wine
  • Grated zest and juice of 1 lemon
  • 1 stick butter, diced
  • 1 3/4 cups superfine sugar
  • 3 eggs, beaten
  • 2 ounces drained stem ginger, finely chopped

How to make this recipe

  1. Put the apples, ginger wine, and lemon zest and juice in a saucepan, cover, and cook gently for about 15 minutes, stirring from time to time, until the apples are soft. Let cool for 10 to 15 minutes.

  2. Purée the apple mixture in a food processor or blender or press through a sieve. Place the butter in a large heatproof bowl set over a saucepan of simmering water and warm until just melted.

  3. Add the sugar and apple purée to the bowl, then strain in the eggs and cook over  medium heat for 40 to 50 minutes, stirring frequently until the sugar has dissolved and the eggs have thickened the mixture (take care not to have the heat too high or the eggs will curdle).

  4. Stir in the chopped ginger, then ladle into warm, dry sterilized jars, filling to the very top. Cover with screwtop lids, or with wax disks and cellophane tops secured with elastic bands. Label and let cool. Store in the refrigerator for up to 2 weeks.


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