Randy Holmes / Getty Images

Brooklyn bartenders discuss whether or not they lie to customers and how they feel about tiny drink umbrellas. 

Elisabeth Sherman
October 20, 2017

Listen, we’ve all been there before: It’s Saturday night, your friends begged you to take that second tequila shot, and when you stumble into the nearest bar an hour later, you’re probably riding high on a good feeling. It’s in the spirit of that feeling of invincibility you might shout “Yo!” at the bartender, or maybe you bang your open fist on the bar, trying to get her attention. You suspect this behavior is irritating, but who cares! Tequila! Well, Jimmy Kimmel confirmed your suspicions. You are annoying the bartender.

In a new segment of his show, Jimmy Kimmel Live!, the talk show host headed to Brooklyn, where he sat down with some of the borough’s bartenders for an honest chat about their chosen profession. He starts off by asking them about the “tender” part of their job.

“That’s when you speak to people, and you hear their problems,” Jimmy Muir, of Clemente’s Maryland Crab House in Sheepshead Bay, explains.

“Do you feel like you can help them?” Kimmel presses.

“Not at all, but I fake it as much as I can,” Muir confesses.

There you have it, folks. Do not confide in bartenders. They cannot solve your problems.

The conversation goes downhill from there: Kimmel asks the bartenders whether they’d rather have a club soda dispenser in their nose or a beer bottle opener in their armpit (most choose the club soda dispenser), asks them to spell the word daiquiri (they cannot) and then gets their opinions on the tiny drink umbrella. In one especially revealing line of questioning, the bartenders even confess that they lie to customers “every day” and “constantly” so they don’t have to make them certain types of drinks.

Finally, he gets to the information we all need to be better bar customers. What are the most annoying ways that customers get their attention? Most respond with the same series of gestures: snapping their fingers in the bartender’s face, slapping or pounding on the bar, and in the case of Muir, screaming “Yo!” across the bar, which he calls “the worst,” and promises “you’ll never a get a drink,” using that strategy.

The lesson here is simple: Be polite to the person getting you drunk. Bartenders stand for hours at a time and listen to people complain all night—they deserve our respect, if not our complete and total adoration.