Frankly, neither are we.
Cover your children's eyes. Maybe even cover your own eyes.
Covered? ARE YOU SURE? Okay.
There's a photo going viral on Imgur that is sure to disturb anyone who enjoys and/or respects pizza in the slightest. So that you don't have to look directly at the photo in question (though, if you care to do so, it's below), we'll do our best to describe it with words: A man is pictured carrying two pizza pies vertically, all but ensuring that their sauce and cheese will end up sliding off the crust, mangled at one end of the cardboard box.
We shudder to think of what the pies will look like when their boxes are eventually opened.
"I think I'm witnessing a drug deal. I mean who the hell carries their pizza like that?" the poster, SoundGuyJake, captioned the photo. Commenters began trying to figure out what the man's motives could be. Was it, in fact, a drug deal? Was he trying to slip the pizza boxes past an unsuspecting hotel concierge? Was he just insane?
"Only a serial killer would carry pizzas like this," Twitter user @kimtheproduct offered.
"I'm not going to lie. I cried a little bit looking at this picture," added user @tstarnes.
Others came to his defense. Perhaps those were actually calzones—in which case, maybe they'd survive the vertical drop. Or, better yet, perhaps the pizzas were frozen.
Alas, as the poster pointed out, Canadian chain Pizza Pizza "doesn't sell frozen pizza." And as for the calzone theory? "They use different boxes for calzones."
Well, while we're all waiting with baited breath to see whether the pizza-holder will ever reveal himself (and his potentially shady motives), we'll be making our own. All that staring's got us pretty hungry. Get our best pizza recipes here.