You’ve had that feeling, too, right? The one where you think you know everything about someone, and suddenly, one day, you wake up to the sudden realization that something’s changed? And they’re no longer the person you thought they were? Or rather, nothing’s changed, and you simply see that it was an illusion all along? A mirage? A trompe l’oeil, if you will?
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Yup. It’s true. We’re terribly sorry to be the bearers of that awful feeling, and we’re also sorry to give you this news so bluntly, but there’s really no good way to go about it. As reported by BuzzFeed, Cap’n Crunch’s real name is—sad, confused drumroll, please!—Horatio Magellan Crunch.