Helen Sloan/HBO

Varys and Tyrion split a goblet, Cersei is still stuck drinking alone and that tasty, tasty fermented crab.

Max Bonem
August 14, 2017

Warning, MAJOR SPOILERS AHEAD

The fifth episode of season seven of Game of Thrones, "Eastwatch," covers a lot of ground both figuratively and literally. We go from The Reach to Winterfell to Dragonstone to Oldtown to King's Landing and finally, to Eastwatch itself. Along the way, fan favorite Gendry returns and Sir Davos even gets a good rowing joke in, further cementing his role as the human embodiment of the internet comment section on Game of Thrones. Many great moments almost happened, including Jon's encounter with Drogon and Gilly coming within seconds of revealing a secret wedding between Rhaegar Targaryen and Lyanna Stark. Oh well, maybe next week. At least Jorah is back and now the strangest assortment of Game of Thrones characters possible has landed beyond the wall to attempt to catch a white walker. What could possibly go wrong?

While we start theorizing about how this week's cliffhanger will resolve itself, we continue to recount all the food moments—the good, the bad and the ugly—from Game of Thrones' shortened seven episode season. Here is everything that was consumed during episode five, "Eastwatch." 

Cersei enjoys a goblet of wine as Jaime recaps the loot train battle.

Remember when we all thought Jaime might have drowned? Or at least get captured by Dany? Well, he's just fine, thanks to Bronn's determination to get him to pay up. However, now that Jaime's seen what dragons can do, he's a little, let's say, shook. When he returns to King's Landing, he immediately visits Cersei to recount the battle that he's just witnessed. However, Cersei fails to recognize the scale of the destruction that her brother-lover has just witnessed. Instead, she sips her wine and keeps believing that Dany is vulnerable. Jaime almost appears ready to turn on his sister, however, his unfortunate fate might be sealed now that Cersei is expecting another child. (Maybe put the goblet down Your Grace.)

Sir Davos shares a taste of his signature fermented crab, Gendry serves dessert.

Sir Davos is know as the Onion Knight. However, we think that's probably because he's a man of many layers rather than a culinary enthusiast. During his visit with Tyrion to King's Landing though, the Onion Knight shared one of his secret recipes: fermented crab, which he used to distract some King's Landing from Gendry's massive hammer. Apparently, fermented crab was the unofficial Viagra of Westeros. Unfortunately, Tyrion showed up just as Sir Davos was convincing the guards to take a little crab sampler and Gendry had use his aforementioned hammer on them. Now we may never know the full effects of fermented shellfish.

Tyrion and Varys share a drink and revel in their misfortune.

You know things have gotten bad when Varys starts drinking. After witnessing the horrors of dragon's fire at the loot train battle, Tyrion has a drink in the thrown room once he returns to Dragonstone. While Varys explains that he's seen a message to Jon from Bran and that there's even more bad news coming, he also tells Tyrion that he must get Daenerys to listen rather than burn more men alive. Tyrion, for his part, has a good response, "I am her hand, not her head. I can't make decisions for her," but still, all Varys can do is relent and share some of Tyrion's swill with him. However, with the recently returned Jorah having departed with Jon, Sir Davos and Gendry, Tyrion has the best chance he's had in a while to make a big impact on the Dragon Queen. Our fingers are crossed that he's more successful than last time, after all, Dany's allies now number fewer than her dragons.