MARK RALSTON / Staff
Noah Kaufman
June 22, 2017

It seems like winning an Oscar should be good enough. The little gold man (or many little gold men if you’re Meryl Streep) staring back at an actor from the mantle is the ultimate accomplishment in their field. But you don’t have to actually take home a statue to be a winner this Sunday. As the old saying goes, shoot for the moon and you’ll land among the $200,000 gift bags.

For more than 10 years, LA marketing company Distinctive Assets has put together extravagant gift bags for all the nominees in the actor, actress, supporting actor, supporting actress and director categories (sorry, world’s best sound mixers, you’re out of luck). This year’s bag includes, amongst other goodies, a 9-course meal prepared by teenage LA chef Kai Kani, customized M&M’s (they’re not just for the White House anymore) and several rolls of $275 toilet paper made with a “specially woven, vitamin-coated outer layer.”

But the buzziest items from this year’s gift bag are the ones designed to be used in the privacy of a celebrity’s home. A $250 vaporizer from Haze has raised red flags as marijuana memorabilia and the $250 Fiera Arouser for Her is…well, it’s a sex toy. Contacted by email, Distinctive Assets’ founder Lash Fary had a different take on the “controversial” items he chose to include: “I don’t consider them controversial. We have included items like vibrators and condoms in the past and this year have the Fiera Arouser For Her and a Vampire Breast Lift (which is a non-surgical way of firming and lifting the breasts).  I am a big fan of normalizing these types of topics.  Plus part of the service we provide high-profile celebrities is the ability to shop in the privacy of their own homes…especially for items that might demand some discretion.”

The Academy of Motion Pictures Arts and Sciences expressed its disapproval for the gift bags by filing a lawsuit against Distinctive Assets for trademark infringement, claiming the marketing company falsely implied that their swag was associated with the Academy Awards.

But for the 25 lucky nominees in the major categories, the luxury gift bags are already on their way. If anyone knows Charlotte Rampling, give me a call. I could totally go for a vampire breast lift if she's not using it.

Check the full contents of the bag below:

HAZE DUAL V3 VAPORIZER$249.99
MY M&M’S CUSTOMIZED CANDY $300.00
HALO, PURELY FOR PETS FREEZE DRIED KIBLETS $6,300.00
CAOLION PORE CARE SET $154.00
HEALING SAINT by DR. JANE 360 SKIN SERUM $193.00
LIFETIME SUPPLY OF LIZORA PU-ERH TEA NOURISHING CREAM $31,200.00
WALK JAPAN WALKING TOUR OF TOKYO $54,000.00
10 SESSIONS WITH ALEXIS SELETZKY, CELEBRITY TRAINER $900.00
BELLDINI WOMEN’S APPAREL $300.00+
CHAPSTICK W/ARGAN OIL $3.00
CHOCOLATINES DRUNKEN FIG CAKE BITES $35.00
DANDI PATCH TO PREVENT UNDERARM SWEAT MARKS $21.00
DELOVERY GIFT BASKET $2,000.00
EXPLOREISRAEL.COM  ALL INCLUSIVE TRIP $55,000.00
FARM WIFE STYLE DRUZY EARINGS $25.00
FIT CLUB TV “ULTIMATE FITNESS PACKAGE” $6,250.00
GLEENER ON THE GO. FUZZ REMOVER $11.99
3 DAY STAY AT GOLDEN DOOR RESORT AND SPA $4,800.00
3 NIGHT STAY AT GRAND HOTEL EXCELSIOR VITTORIA $5,000.00
3 NIGHT STAY AT GRAND HOTEL TREMEZZO $5,000.00
GREENHILL WINERY & VINEYARDS CHARDONNAY $39.00
HYDROXYCUT GUMMIES $19.88
JAY CARDIELLO $1,400.00
JOSEPH’S TOILETRIES $1,175.00
9-COURSE MEAL AT KAI KANI LA $2,500.00
LAT & LO SILVER JEWELRY $150.00
MEMOBOTTLE $47.00
MEZCAL EL SILENCIO $75.00
MISSION1 CLEAN PROTEIN BAR $5.64/box
FIERA AROUSER FOR HER $250.00
PHANTOM GLASS PHONE PROTECTOR $49.95-$59.95
PRODECOTECH ELECTRIC BICYCLE $2,199.00
PURELY INSPIRED ORGANIC PROTEIN $19.97
ROCK THE VOTE ANNIVERSARY T-SHIRT $50.00
ROUGE MAPLE PRODUCTS $99.00
SEDONA LACE PROFESSIONAL BRUSH SET $109.95
SIMONE I. SMITH JEWELRY $300.00
SLIMWARE PORTION CONTROL PLATES $29.95
STEAMIST HOME SPA COLLECTION $5,060.00
SUNDIAL POWDER COATING $500.00
THE NATURAL MIXOLOGIST & THE VAULT SPIRIT COMPANY $2,723.00
THERA CANE MAX MASSAGER $40.00
TIEKS WOMEN’S SHOES  $175.00-345.00
TOOLS BY GINA HAIRSTYLING TOOLS  $250.00
TRIBUTE VIDEO MONTAGE $125.00
VAMPIRE BREAST LIFT  $1,900.00
VITRIS EYEWARE $698.00
ZEKKLE EDGE METAL FRONT POCKET WALLET $125.00
740 PARK PLASTIC SURGERY  $5,530.00

Related: Oscar Party Snack Hacks 
How to Make Oscar Awards Cupcakes 
7 Drinks to Go with Your Junk Foody Oscars Spread

You May Like