A Monkey Walks Into a Bar…And It Doesn’t End Well

By Noah Kaufman |

Too much rum can wreak havoc on a human being’s decision making capacity, so just imagine what it can do to a tiny capuchin monkey. Apparently what it can do is cause that monkey to take up arms against the patrons of a Brazilian bar. In the town of Teixeira in Brazli’s northeast the monkey, already known in the area as a bit of a terror according Brazilian site aRede, wandered into a bar and started sipping unfinished cachaça. Shortly after that, he picked a foot-long knife and began “chasing” people and stabbing the roof of the establishment as seen in a video posted to YouTube.

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Lieutenant Colonel Saul Laurentino of the local fire department said, “It was a bar staff oversight that led to the monkey drinking some rum and taking the knife.” When a bar is hopping those things will happen. Laurentino, who eventually apprehended the monkey, released him into a nearby nature reserve. Unfortunately the monkey went back to harassing locals, although without a knife this time. Officials captured the monkey again and sent him to the Brazilian Institute of Environment and Renewable Natural Resources. There, Laurentino said, Experts “will evaluate whether the monkey can return to the wild or if it will have to live in captivity.” Which raises an important question: Will they have the good cachaça in captivity or will the monkey be stuck with the generic stuff?