We’ve all been there. You’re meeting a group of people for the first time, and the conversation turns to outdoor sports. You’re desperate to impress them, but the extent of your wilderness experience is limited to that time you peed in the bushes at Coachella because the lines for the Porta-Potties were too long.
One by one, your new would-be friends wax nostalgic about the time they slept under the northern lights, the time they almost died BASE jumping in the French Alps, or the time they free soloed the peak of Half Dome in a thunderstorm while rescuing a black bear cub. Then someone asks about your most extreme adventure, and you tell your Coachella story, embellishing the bit about the thornbushes and gesturing to the areas where you got poison oak, and then it’s silent for what seems like minutes until someone finally coughs and changes the subject.
To prevent this situation from happening again, try these simple tricks to becoming the mountain man, woman or goat you’ve always wished you were.