7 Ways to Ruin a Destination Wedding

By Noah Kaufman |
DESTINATION WEDDING

iStock

So your friend is getting married in Cabo or Cape Town or Kingston—somewhere far enough away that they won't have to invite all their parents’ friends. And lucky you, you made the short list. Here's the trouble: Weddings are fun. Vacations are fun. But putting them together can be a dangerous proposition. This is supposed to be the most beautiful day in the happy couple’s life, so it would be a real shame if you screwed it up. Here are some things to avoid at all costs.

DO NOT:

Get drunk at the welcome event. 
You’re going to spend three days with these people. The stains on your shirt after a drunken attempt to make out with the bride’s sister two hours after showing up are going to be your scarlet letter to wear all weekend.

Go off exploring on your own. 
Since this is a wedding weekend, chances are good you will be pretty well plied with liquor. Somewhere there is a frightening statistic for the number of drunk wedding guests who get disappeared every year.

Warn everyone about how bad the drinking water is. 
We get it. You’re a world traveler who knows what’s safe and what isn’t. But you’re freaking everyone out, and chances are good that if the bride and groom dropped $60,000 for an adventure wedding they probably found room in the budget for enough bottled water for everyone. So chill out!

Give your speech in the mother tongue. 
It doesn’t matter if you did get Rosetta Stone. Think of poor gram-gram in the back. The woman is 84 years old and barely got here as it was. Listening to you fumble your way through a speech in broken Spanish will probably make her think she is having a stroke.

Tell everyone about how much your plane ticket cost. 
Do you know why people have destination weddings? Because they hope people like you won’t show up and ruin their special day with your whining.  

 Bombard the bride with questions about when there will be time to go to ______.  
Hey, we’re happy you know how TripAdvisor works. But this is not your Caribbean getaway. Stick to the schedule.

Get food poisoning. 
Not that this would be entirely your fault, but if you’re eating something out of the back of a truck, just know that your evening of vomiting could conflict with a certain special event.

Related: 

Related: 13 Surefire Ways to Ruin an Office Social Outing
How to Survive Your Mother's Sudden Interest in Twitter
11 Ways to Become Besties with your Bartender

MORE FROM THE INTERWEBS
Comments